Wandering Heels

We got back on dry land around lunch time and went off to stuff our faces. Dad very readily posed for me outside the restaurant:

Bla bla bla...

Ohh tofu! Me favourite!

More bla bla bla....

Fresh pineapple on a bed of ice and syrup. Argggh so simple yet so gooood! This hit the spot perfectly because I was looking a tad sunburnt from that morning's water antics... ahhh tan how I miss thee!

Pattaya was tiny but it still had a giant mall in the city centre... didn't go near it. I'm not COMPLETELY superficial, you know.

We stayed at this supposedly 4 star hotel but what 4 star hotel has a concierge (I use the term very loosely) who is known for her bad-temper? Dad had a run in with her about something so I declared it open season on her and took this photo of her to poke fun at her on my blog. Good times! She's the one on the right with the bad hair dye job. Miaaaoow! I had to take a covet paparazzi style photo because I didn't want her to see and yell at me. Heheh...

Oh I nearly forget! In addition, what 4 star hotel has dodgy guests who bring their $5 love you long time date back to party with every night? It's not Pretty Woman, people! I felt dirty when I bumped into our 2 respectable neighbours and their date (only one girl though.... cheapskates!) in the hallway. Tour guide told us that a lot of the male travellers come to Pattaya and rent a wife for the length of their stay. Men can be such dogs! Pattaya is all about PG sun surf and turf fun in the daytime but come nighttime, the place turns R-18.

Anyway, we went and checked out a garden and I got the parents to sit and pose in this terracotta pots car. Tut tut! .... complete with a love shaped display behind them... awwww, true love!

Pretty flowers:

More pretty flowers:

Flowers with fake birds and frogs:

This display was made of real maize:

We then attended yet another cultural show and an elephant show:

Place was packed and stinking hot!

Traditional Thai dances:

Thai boxing:

We didn't stay for the end because we wanted to beat the crowd and bag a good seat for the elephant show.

All the elephants greeting the audience at the start of the show. Excuse the mist which was unavoidable as it was stinking hot and they were essential in keeping the audience from fainting:

Elephant throwing darts:

Elephant cycling:

Elephant drawing:

Finished product... hey viv, the elephant is more talented than you:

Another sneaky pic of a reaaaaalllllly old man and his lovebird:

We had buffet dinner there as well:

First course: Pho!

Main course - assorted hot food... crunchy chicken:

Desserts:

I wolfed down my dinner as usual and went walking while the parents finish eating... snapped this giant building display of fake ants... cool huh?

The restaurant was right next to this gorgeous garden... very mid summer nights dream:

That night, we also attended a show that Thailand is very famous for... no, not the pingpong show because this is a PG-rated tour, people! We went to see carbaret performances by transvestites. We had really good seats and the ticket price included a free drink! Yupp it doesn't take much to make me happy.

He/She is hot!

Check out those legs... green with envy:

Traditional Thai outfits:

There's always a clown at these kind of show and this one was no exception. Some audience dude had his head mashed up in her/his (????) boobs:

There were many different sets and dances and they seemed to be based on different nationalities. This was ancient China with the emperor and his harem of concubines:

This was the Supremes maybe???

Inspired by I Dream of Jeannie????

Middle Eastern:

This was Japanese girl pop-group inspired and the girl/guy from the first pic is back:

Am I a bad person for feeling better about myself when I see her/his little pot belly?

Another dance featuring a Chinese emperor with his woman:

Korean:

She is gorgeous!!!! Wonder if she is a she??????

Dance which had a very 007 soundtrack.... an art heist where the "art" comes alive.... the boobs look scary!!

Check out the pecs on the dude....

Last performance had a very Las Vegas feel to it:

Sorry, I had to!!!

Everyone came back out to take their bows:

After the show, most of the performers stood outside to greet the audience (except for the ones higher up the foodchain aka my jap girl). This lady/guy looked gorgeous from where I sat in the audience but looked scary from close:

This one gestured for me to go over so I did, thinking "Man, they are nice and friendly". After Dad snapped the picture, she/he said to me in a very manly voice "Give me 40 baht". I felt cheated!!!! I thought she/he was just being friendly. Note to self: Everything thing is for sale in Thailand. I felt so butch standing next to them... and short.... and fat... darn it!

I looked so chunky next to her/him!!

We headed back to Bangkok the next day. We drove past this building and the tour guide said it's the house of some rich dude who owns a lot of chicken farms.

Attraction of the day: Tiger Zoo! I was very blase about exotic animals by this stage...

The Zoo has a breeding program in place and for some reason, dresses little piglets in tiger outfits and then chucks them in to live in the same cage with a tigress.

Poor little piglets living a lie:

There was also a giant sow there and she just lies in her steel cage 365 days a year feeding little baby tigers. Apparently the sow's milk lessens the tigers' aggression as compared to drinking regular tiger's milk. Weird... poor sow's quality of life is not good.

We then walked past this giant glass enclosure with heaps of tigers and tigresses in it. The weird thing was that there was a guy and a girl in it as well, dressed in tiger stripes outfits. They were sitting there looking dead in the eye.

There was a donations box on the wall next to the enclosure so Mum put some money in. We were distracted by a little baby tiger walking around near us. It was hungry and grumpy and made a constant growling sound. We then turned back to the glass enclosure and were greeted with this!

They were like those coin-operated rides... you put some money in and they come alive and do tricks for your amusement!

The Tiger Zoo had a croc area as well so we headed in to have a look. This was a display on how crocodiles breed. Baby croc foetus:

Some gross intestines/croc uterus/etc etc... beats me:

Croc penis.... heheheheheheheehehehheheehhe I had to!

Silly fake display of little crocs having a maths lesson:

Croc eggs:

Lots and lots of live crocs:

Mum and Dad fed the crocs for 50 baht:

It was then time for the croc show~!

The two hosts started the show by grabbing the crocs by their tails and pulling them into positions. They also splashed the stage area with water to aid their performances... which made it all very slippery... the guy host kept slipping and fell a few times and his shorts slid down heheh.... check out the video:

The lady host was going to rest her head inside the croc's open jaws and she started off by preparing the croc for it. She banged the croc's teeth with a stick for a bit...

She also stroked its tongue a bit..... not sure how this was meant to appease the croc into not snapping her neck off.....

But it worked!!!

The guy host also had to show he can do it. He warmed the crowd up first:

Then he opened a croc's jaws up:

Nice and wide:

and stuck his head in!

They finished off the performance with this:

Last but not least was the tigers performance.... all the cats came out and jumped up on their seats except for this naughty tiger.... she decided to take a poop in front of everyone first...